That reminds me...we need to get swords
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
