so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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