im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize