he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
