he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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