if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
