Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
