When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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