just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
