I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
