i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
