You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
