im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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