I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This is my gift to your gina
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize