I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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