From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
