My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
