Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
