booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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