I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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