He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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