Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
