Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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