How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A+ Viking dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
