So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
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