He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize