I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
