my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
