I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
