While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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