pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
