You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
