Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
