My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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