She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
