Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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