My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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