You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
