Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
