You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
