I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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