I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
