You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
