the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
