i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
