Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
