Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize