Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
