"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
