I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
