I wish I could punch you in the face.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
