I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize