Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
