I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
