This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize