that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
