I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
