she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
did you just send me my own nude
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
