It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
