i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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