He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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