I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
