I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
