no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
