no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
