Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
