Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
