its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
